Pat CondellMy name is Patrick, and I’m a biped carbon-based life form.

In my spare time I enjoy walking upright and being warm-blooded, and I’m a Scorpio.*

I live here…

Pat Condell

…on planet Earth, a piece of rock orbiting a giant fireball in the middle of nowhere.

I feel I belong here.

There’s something about the atmosphere.

It suits me down to the ground.

The surface of the planet is about 70% water, which is nice because I’m about 70% water myself.

I share the remaining 30% with seven billion others, each of whom has a 70% water body of their own.

Each of these bodies, like the planet, is composed of tiny particles which, on close examination, appear to have no solidity, but rather are pure energy.

And since they comprise everything in our world and our universe, this means we’re not solid either, nor is the planet.

What more can I tell you? I like real ale, chillies and football. And I don’t have much of a formal education – which is good, because it means I can actually read and write. But it also means I don’t have a great deal of what you might call actual knowledge.

However, if you pressed me, I’d say the purpose of life is joy in the present moment, and anyone who tells you different is a lying conniving arsehole.

* I like to think I’m a Scorpio, though actually I’m on the cusp of Scorpio and Sagittarius. However, I pledged my allegiance to Scorpio years ago, like you do when you live in a city with two football teams; you’ve got to pick one, and I picked Scorpio because it sounded better. In truth I have no idea what birth sign I am, and I don’t care. But I do have a Scorpio t-shirt because I think it’s important to have an identity, however false and pointless.

Pat Condell


Pat Condell's Godless ComedyHi, I'm Pat Condell. I don't respect your beliefs and I don't care if you're offended.


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